Writing for me is therapeutic; always has been. This post is mostly about my own therapeutic release, but maybe there is a nugget of light that might help you as well.
Last week we had an incredible trip to Sedona – my second trip there. Here is where I felt new beginnings on the horizon.
Today we laid one of our beautiful dogs to rest. The night I returned from Sedona; she took a turn for the worse. Here is where I will talk about endings.
Our pup Bella was diagnosed with congenital heart failure and an enlarged heart a year ago. She’s been on opioids since June of this year just to control the coughing from the enlarged heart. We reached the end, where the coughing could no longer be controlled, and she was suffering.
This entire summer is a story of endings and new beginnings.
Endings can be so hard; like old habits that take hold of you, and you can’t let go; sometimes they must be forced to end in order to forge a new path.
July 1st weekend we got Covid. It was exactly what most said it was: flu-like symptoms for about 3-5 days. We went through it pretty seamlessly.
Things took a turn for me at about day 8-10 when I started coughing. This type of coughing is what I coin as “spasmatic” coughing. It would start and would “flare up” until I could calm it with honey, lozenges, teas and more. Then it would calm and allow me to sleep until it would flare up again.
It’s been a humbling experience for me as a holistic health practitioner, who does most things “right” (and with an immune age of 32!!), to have this long covid effect. It’s now August 30 and yes, I am still coughing, still on steroid inhalers. I even did a course of intense antibiotics which didn’t help and certainly made a mess of my gut (which I am working on repairing now).
Bella’s coughing continued to worsen as I have too been coughing.
My naturopath doctor said something to me that resonated…grief is held in the lungs according to Chinese medicine.
It will be interesting to see if it resolves after Bella’s suffering ends. To be continued…
Bella Kruse July 19, 2010-August 30, 2022 – may this special little dog Rest In Peace.
I am left with such loss, and a feeling of emptiness and guilt. I just don’t know how to make peace with deciding on the life of another living creature. Everyone tells me how cruel it is to keep her around for us when she is suffering, but my heart is crying more than I can describe. Who are we to make this decision?
If you want to hear about why this dog is so special, I posted her story on Instagram.
Now for new beginnings. Sedona.
We experienced a visual demonstration of energy which I found amazing, way up in the high mountains of the Red Rocks in Sedona, Arizona. I know this to be true – energy is very real. We were able to actually see that is it real. Our guide demonstrated with copper dowsing rods where the vortex energies were very strong – then he allowed us to try and test. It was quite amazing to experience how they move on their own where energy is powerful and strong. Even in Feng Shui, we can use these rods to see where there are energy pockets that may not be positive.
Here is a great article I’ll link to if you want to learn more on how to use these in your own home:
Next day I saw a spiritual hypnotist. Many wondered why on earth I needed to be hypnotized. I saw her to help me clear some of my limiting beliefs. I won’t tell you what these are…they’re private to me…however, what I will say is that we all have them. I have learned that these beliefs are formed in our subconscious from a very young age and can follow us through life. They’re not easy to clear, or reach. I created an “I AM” statement that I will now use regularly. While I was in my session, I was given a very large amethyst crystal to hold in my right hand – it barely fit into my hand it was that large. When the hypnotist called in my angel guides and was clearing energy, the very large crystal began to literally vibrate in my hand. I have always believed in the energy of crystals, but never felt them. I was very taken aback by this feeling.
During this session I uncovered some feelings that included a deep fear that I projected. Is this fear from childhood? Is it an inherited fear? I don’t know. But I am working on it.
Third full day in Sedona. We had a tour with the same guide I had 3 1/2 years ago when I was there once before. We walked the Buddhist Stupa – a place for prayer and meditation. We also held our own indigenous medicine wheel ceremony. I resonate with many ancient practices and hold so much respect and regard for them.
The experience took an incredible turn after this. We climbed to the top of Thunder Mountain (yes, the ride at Disney was based on this mountain in Sedona). Thunder Mountain also known as Capital Butte stands 6355′ tall. This was such a quiet and private hike – once we reached a certain point, we did not see another person. We reached the top and got to the “Initiation Chamber” as our guide called it. It was a small cove where we could sit for a while. The photos taken were incredible with lights and orbs like you’ve never seen. Our guide then asked us to sit in quiet meditation in this little cove. The wind picked up out of nowhere through the mountains at the very peak. I was thinking of my aunt who passed many years ago. Next, I hear a very loud buzzing sound unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. I open my eyes to see a hummingbird flying right in front of our faces. Then quickly she flew away. We were amazed. Mesmerized. Our guide, who has been doing this for many years said this was a first he’d seen of a hummingbird high up in these mountains. Of course, this led me to start searching for hummingbird facts. Sightings of hummingbirds high in the Sedona Red Rock Mountains. Nothing. Hummingbirds typically do not fly over 500 ft.
What was this little bird telling us so high up in the mountains? I have always said I don’t believe in coincidences and that everything has meaning if we open our hearts and our minds to it.
What do hummingbirds symbolize: Renewal.
That hummingbird, for me, was a messenger that all I cleared, experienced and embodied were to take me to the new beginnings. She was also a messenger to say Bella will have her new beginnings as well. It may seem like an ending, but she will be free and happy in her new life as she crosses the rainbow bridge.
Blessings to you all and remember, like I’m trying to do right now, that even though it may seem like an ending, new beginnings are nearby and are meant to take you to your next journey. xx Sandy K
3 Responses to Endings and New Beginnings.
What a beautiful post Sandy! I am so sorry for your loss. Those little furry family members always take a little price of our hearts with them. ? when they go to cross the rainbow bridge. This blog post can be so relatable in many ways to us all. I’m glad you were able to have an experience of Renewal in such a mystical place.
Goosebumps!!! Thanks for sharing this beautiful experience with us. A great reminder of how our human selves try to hold on to points in time even though energy is always moving. While I am so sorry for your loss I am excited for your new beginnings. And Bella’s too!
A great post, Sandy, very interesting. Thank you for sharing!